A new comedy news show, weeknights when it lands. Dan Retriever and Allison Catpurr will deliver the day's actual headlines through the only lens that matters: pure, unfiltered animal contempt for human nonsense.
Two species. One desk. Zero shared values. They've co-anchored the broadcast for three seasons and have exchanged maybe forty words off-camera.
"I have absolutely no idea what's going on, but I am thrilled about it."
Veteran broadcaster with twelve years on-air and approximately eleven years of formal training in not eating the microphone. Known for his earnest delivery, his "Breaking Bark" segment, and his ongoing rivalry with the studio mailman.
"I read the headlines. I judge them silently. That's the entire job."
Investigative co-anchor and de facto editor-in-chief. Brings a withering deadpan to evening segments and has personally ended three press secretaries' careers with a single slow blink. Owns the building, technically.
A working list of the show's pilot stories. Each one is a real headline filtered through the only editorial standard that counts: would Dan and Allison actually have something to say about it?
Dan opens with a vehement six-minute rebuttal. Allison spends the segment grooming on camera. Plus: the Squirrel Caucus filibusters the acorn tariff into the spring, and a special report on why the vacuum is, frankly, like that.
We built it like CNN, then we let two animals run it. The lights are real, the cameras are real, and the contempt for the producer's notes is, perhaps, the most authentic thing on television.
The planned weekly format once we go live. Five nights a week, ten minutes a show, plus a Friday roundup. Distribution channels TBA.